The British Police Cricket Club’s Tour
to South Africa - November 2004

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Monday, 01 November 2004
The team arrived to perfect Cape Town Summer weather and enjoyed lunch at Quay 4 situated at the Victoria & Alfred (V&A) Waterfront. After a scenic drive through Clifton, Camps Bay and up Chapman’s Peak, where 3 or 4 whales were spotted frolicking in the Atlantic Ocean with their young calves, we moved onto Kennedy’s Restaurant in Long Street for the welcoming function. Some really good red wines were enjoyed by all and the group were presented with their tour shirts. A reasonably early night was had by most after the long flight in.

Tuesday, 02 November 2004
Tuesday morning saw us off to the District Six Museum. Some of the lads shared their surprise as to how uninformed they were over the apartheid system that previously existed in South Africa and how forced removals had affected peoples lives. This was followed by a visit to the Newlands Cricket Stadium which included a rather informative tour from Trevor Quelch of Western Province Cricket. Lunch was enjoyed by all at the Brass Bell Restaurant in Kalk Bay on the waters edge. Unfortunately, due to gale force winds, the Cable Way was closed for the day which meant no trip up Table Mountain. Supper was a superb meal of Ostrich fillet at the Marimba Restaurant in Cape Town’s International Convention Centre.

Wednesday, 03 November 2004
The non playing members were dropped off at the Cable Way while the team and a couple of die hard supporters (Gill and little William) moved onto the Northern Goodwood Cricket Stadium for the first match of tour. The match was played in 28°C (82.4°F) and bright sunshine. The British Police batted first and amassed a huge total of 275. Beefy (David Fraser-Darling) scored 54 off 56 balls and Shawsy (Graham Shaw) 68 off 81. Heapy (Tim Heap) contributed with 20 off 22 balls. The Western Cape Police were all bowled out for 145 in 42 overs. The lads were off to a winning start. The best bowling figures were returned by Smudge (Tony Smith) taking 3 for 25 in 10 overs and Robin Fisher with 3 for 27 in 10 overs.

The group that had been up the Cable Way were collected and then taken to the clock tower at the Waterfront where they boarded a boat for a tour of Robben Island. Yours truly forgot to purchase a ticket for himself and sent the party off unaccompanied. All’s well that ends well as this meant the 12 just fitted into one mini bus and were able to enjoy a personalised tour of Robben Island. We all returned to the Northern Goodwood Cricket Stadium for the presentation, supper and a few celebratory drinks. The celebrations continued onto the V&A Waterfront where the lads made their presence felt and voices heard at the Mitchell’s Brewery.

Thursday, 04 November 2004
Those that did slightly less celebrating than others the night before managed to make the early start for the Franschoek wine route. By 09h15 in the morning we tasted our first Chardonnay at the Mont Rochelle Estate and were educated on the differences between oak matured chardonnays and others and the difference in tastes. We then moved onto the Cabriere Estate where Mrs Van Arnim passionately shared with us about her estate and the process of producing champagnes. A pleasant lunch was enjoyed at the Bread & Wine Restaurant on the Moreson Estate. Back to Cape Town and up Table Mountain where we were surprised to find the “table cloth” had lifted and the wind dropped. The spectacular view was enjoyed by all. Even the vertigo challenged amongst us. After returning to the hotel for a shower and change of clothes it was off on the Sea Princess for a trip around Table Bay with a mad max skipper who has us pounding through the swells before gently cruising off Clifton Beach and returning us safely back to the V&A Waterfront. Supper was at the Paulaner Brauhaus where the food was good but the service rather poor.

Friday, 05 November 2004
After and early start we were off on the road in our luxury coach making our way to Knysna. Springbok pie was enjoyed by all at the Old Mill Restaurant in Swellendam en-route to Knysna. We arrived at Knysna just after 16h00 and checked into our comfortable bungalows. After a shower and change, we made our way to the waterfront to board the paddle cruiser. I’m told this was the highlight of the trip so far. After sailing around the Knysna Lagoon, towards the heads for approximately ½ hour, we were called down stairs by the banqueting manager to enjoy a Mediterranean-style meal. We returned to the quayside to find the pub bopping away to a Mississippi type bluesy jazz band, needless to say a good time was had by all. Unfortunately Coxy (Trevor Cox), Lesley and Crabbers (John Crabtree) were not called when the bus departed but were fortunate enough to be offered a lift by the banqueting manager.

Saturday, 06 November 2004
The party were greeted by another sunny day after cruising around the Knysna shops for an hour or so. The coach returned to the resort to collect Beefy, Picko, Smudge and the rest of the group who had decided to steal an hour in the sun around the pool. After seeing some of the lads in Speedo’s, comments began to fly about beached whales being spotted at the pool. These didn’t seem to deter anyone. Lunch was enjoyed on the deck in the sun overlooking Storms River. We then moved onto Port Elizabeth in a bit of a hurry in order to squeeze a cricket practice in before the start of the Wales vs. South Africa test. The Welsh connection, Smudge and Wills (Stephen Williams) were particularly vociferous in hurrying the lads along to get back to the hotel only to see their boys go down 38 – 36 to the Boks. Supper and a couple of glasses of good red wine were enjoyed by all back at the hotel.

Sunday, 07 November 2004
The second match of the tour was upon us. The sun was shinning again, however, a fresh wind swept across the ground. A large portion of the tour party decided not to attend the match and rather spend the day on the beach catching a tan. Collette decided to catch her tan at the cricket, supporting Jason, spread out in her bikini in front of the scorers. This did cause some concern for the cricketers who were convinced that the scorers were bound to make mistakes when faced with this distraction.
The match turned out to be a great game. The British Police batted first against a strong Eastern Province select XI. The highlight of their innings was a superb knock of 111 not out by Beefy who was ably supported by Shawsy with a quick fire, 58 off 61 balls. They did try and run each other out a couple of times before Shawsy was eventually caught attempting to launch another big one. The British Police eventually finished their inning on 206 for 6 off 50 overs. The very strong EP select side began their inning like a house on fire with B Flegg smashing 47 off 51 balls before Smudge had him caught behind by Jason Pitcher. The select side eventually passed the British Police target with four overs, one ball to spare and six wickets down. Of the bowlers, Links (Matthew Lincoln) and Fish (Robin Fisher) were punished a bit while the pick of the bunch was Smudge who bowled ten overs taking 3 for 35 and Shawsy ten overs 2 for 21. A braai and after match function, was enjoyed by all. The rest of the evening was enjoyed in the hotel bar where Gill proceeded to fill us in on some of the bizarre things she had been warned about warned about by her rather young and very naïve health worker before making the trip to “Deepest, Darkest Africa” namely, Cape Town and PE, with Baby William. The only thing she wasn’t warned about were the lions roaming around the main streets. William, by the way, has been a superb tourist, exceptionally accommodating and easy to please.

So far a great tour as we look forward to the second week. The only downside so far has been sitting through Thursys (Martin Thursfield) long drawn out fines meetings and being hit R50 for our trouble.

Monday, 08 November 2004
Monday morning and the weather is perfect for golf: clear skies, sunshine and most importantly no wind. Some of the lads have decided to spend the day on the beach as opposed to playing golf. It’s a bit of a rush to make the tee off time as clubs need to be hired and balls purchased but we make it and the first 3 ball is off at 09h00 sharp. The competition is a better ball stableford with 2 scores to count.

The 3 ball of Jason, Mel and Wills have a solid round and are the first group back in the hut for a cold beer. The 3 ball of Dick, Coxy and Picko play a lot of golf and don’t score too many points. Myself, Dick Argles and Steve Garratt get off to a fair start with Dick carrying us for most of the front nine. However, the wheels fall off Dicks game on the back nine and we don’t score too many points. The Bandits, as we called them, made up of Smudge, Meryl, Lampo and Thursy end up scoring the most points although there is much suspicion regarding their win.

Leslie, Sue and Collette take themselves off to Stonebreakers for a spa and beauty treatment. They return to the hotel looking rather radiant, vowing to return before the end of the tour. Antonia spends the day at the beachfront pool with her nose in a book.

After a scenic drive along the coast, supper is at the Bushcamp Boma where the lamp spit, roosterkoek and kudu pie is enjoyed by all.

Yours truly picked up a lot of flack for ordering the 07:30 wake up calls and am further abused on the way back to the hotel because of my accent. Links picks up a bit of flack from Youngie regarding his liaison with a young girl at Toby Joes and is further ripped apart after receiving a text message saying she cant meet him tonight as her parents wont let her go out. Back in the Hotel it’s off to bed and an early night.

Tuesday, 09 November 2004
Match Day. The third match of the tour takes place at the Kemsley Park Police Club against the East Cape Police team. On the way to the ground we take a slight detour around St Georges Park in order to show the party where England will be playing the first test against South Africa on the 17th December 2004.

Once the match is underway, a group of 12 pop back for a tour of St Georges Park grounds with Mike Gaja of the United Cricket Board. Unlike Newlands, in Cape Town, we are allowed to walk onto the field and even get a close up of the test strip being prepared for England’s visit. We return to the ground in time for lunch. After lunch Dick and Sue Argles take a walk up to the Greenacres Shopping Centre to see what catches their eye.

The cricket goes really well for the British Police lads. Batting first they manage to post a total of 225 for 9 on a slow wicket with ball not coming onto bat and an even slower outfield. Top score for the BPCC is Lampo with a stylish 62, ably backed by the skipper Shawsy with a 40 and Mel Dawson 33. Umpire Clive Joubert indicates at lunch that he feels 225 is a winning score on this wicket and is proved to be correct as the East Cape Police side is bowled out for 146 after being 3 for 3 at one stage. There is a bizarre dismissal when the opening bat pulls a short ball that rebounds off Lampo’s backside at silly mid on and is caught by a diving Simon Young.

Man of the match award goes to the skipper Graham Shaw with his 40 runs and bowling figures of 2 for 19 in 6 overs. The batting award goes to Lampo and Robin Fisher picks up the best bowling award with his 4 for 33 in 10 overs. A touch better than his 0 for 59 on the Sunday.

Supper is a huge 500g steak at the police club, after the match, washed down with a few cold beers. At 9 o clock we depart for the hotel and are just in time to catch the spurs vs. Burnley Carling Cup game.

Wednesday, 10 November 2004
The day begins at 07h45 and we’re on the coach making our way to the Addo Elephant Park which is approximately 72km north of Port Elizabeth. It rained most of last night and we have awoken to a wet and overcast Port Elizabeth. As we pass the Motherwell Township the party cannot believe the size of it and the number of shanty houses located on top of each other.

We arrive at the park after an hours’ drive and make our way to the game drive office. After climbing aboard two special custom made game viewing vehicles with canvas roofs but open sides, we are off on our drive in light rain. The fleece lined ponchos the ranger hands out keeps off most of the rain, however we do get a fine spray on our faces as we begin moving. We only manage to see a small group of smaller elephants, hidden behind some thick bush. Our ranger guide, Dumi, explains that the elephants won’t come down to the waterholes when it is raining as they get enough moisture in the bush. We also manage to view lots of warthog and a number of rooi hartebeest and some kudu.

Lunch is in the boma and is a traditional venison potjie (kudu and springbok). Desert is a tasty bread and butter pudding. After lunch it’s back on the coach departing for Bedford. The journey is about 2 hours and we eventually arrive at the MCG (Mill Cricket Ground) at 14h30. We are made most welcome by our hosts Ken and Rosie Ross with a cup of tea. At 15h30 we are taken in the back of bakkies to our different places of accommodation. The folk staying at Cavers are blown away by their accommodation in this 5th generation old farm homestead. We hit the showers and meet downstairs for a gin and tonic before making our way back to the MCG for dinner. There is a slight drizzle so after a few pre-dinner drinks we move inside to enjoy supper. Richard Pickering reckons it’s the best meal so far. More red wine is consumed after supper in the bar before eventually departing with our hosts for the night. Jock of course disappeared to catch the Celtic vs. Rangers game on satellite TV at Angus Dixie’s home.

Thursday, 11 November 2004
We awaken on Thursday morning to the mist covered mountains that overlook the valley in which the farms we are staying are located. The farmers are all of Scot decent so Jock feels pretty much at home. Rosie Ross along with the polite help of her staff, prepares us a superb breakfast which we enjoy in the main dining room at Cavers while Ken Ross ensures us that based on his local knowledge we are in for a lovely sunny summer’s day. He is proved correct as by 09H00 the mist is lifting and the sun is shining through.

Meanwhile Lochart Ainsly’s son Hugh has taken Smudger, Shawsy, Thursy and Lampo on an early morning hunt. By 06H30 they are walking about the mist covered mountains tracking buck (antelope). Once the mist had lifted Thursy tells me they could see for miles. They end up making two kills and enjoying a possible once in a lifetime experience. I have a panic attack however when I arrive at the ground for the match and am informed there was an accident on the hunt and Shawsy was taken to hospital. Ken Ross assures me that all is well however and that when Graham fired the rifle recoiled and the telescopic sight caught him above the eye and caused a gash that required 10 stitches. Shawsy arrives back at the ground a few minutes later with head bandaged looking like Rambo in his latest Vietnam movie.

Antonia, Collette and Leslie have meanwhile organised a horse ride and take in the sights of the valley on some not so obedient farm horses.

Cricket begins at 11H00 in bright sunshine with the British Police batting first and scoring 174 on a very lively wicket. Top score for the BPCC is Simon Young who finishes on 56 not out. Although this is not a big total the feeling amongst the team is if they bowl well on this wicket they’re in with a chance. This they do and soon have Bedford in trouble when their opening bat gets out first ball of the innings. The rest of the order follow for very little and are eventually bowled out for 55. Best bowling is Thursy taking 3 for 18 off 9 overs. Beefy gets 3 for 27 off 8 and Jock 4 for 1 off 1.3 overs. Batting prize goes to Simon Young who also picks up the man of the match award and Thursy takes the bowling prize.

Dick Argyles, Lampo, Willo and myself shot through to Bedford to play 9 holes of golf and returned just before the game ended. Our game is a far closer affair than the cricket with Willo chipping in on the 9th to put pressure on Dick and myself, but I manage to sink my 6 footer par put to square the match.

Supper is a delicious braai under the stars and good evening is had by all in the Old Mill club house.

Friday, 12 November 2004
Its an early start on the coach as we bid a sad farewell to our wonderful hosts and make our way to aSante Sana, a privately owned game farm at the foot of the Bankberg mountain range. After a 2 hour coach journey through the Karoo we leave the national road and begin a 30km trek on dirt road towards the foot of the mountains. I must confess to being a touch nervous as I open the electronic gates warning us of the Cheetah on the reserve before aSante Sana. On arrival the party are most impressed with the quality of the picturesque ground at the foot of the mountains. Cricket begins at 11h00 with the aSante Sana invitation batting first and scoring 189 for 9 in the allotted 40 overs. Smudge bowled really well taking 3 for 24 in 8 and Robin fisher 3 for 33 in his 8 overs. Crabbers has the distinction of catching Adrian Kuiper, the former South African Test player on the boundary.

BPCC reply by scoring the required runs in 33.3 overs with Jason Pitcher getting 35, Steve Williams 68 and Derick Pickering 39. The batting prize as well as the man of the match award goes to Willo with Smudge taking the bowling prize. After a quick shower, beer in hand we jump aboard the Landies and head off to view the Rhino that have come down to a open field to graze. Its then off towards the mountains, where we get a close up view of the Giraffe and lots of Impala. Just before dark we find the Buffalo who are really aggressive animals and after a few photos make our way back to the cricket ground.

Supper is lamb on the spit and is enjoyed by all. Shortly after supper Kitty Viljoen the manager’s wife informs us that the elephant are on the move and have been spotted close to the ground. We all charge for the Landies again and make our way into the bush where the elephant are picked up by the spot lights on the vechiles before disappearing once more into the night. After supper and a few drinks its off to bed for some while others dig in for the night.

Saturday, 13 November 2004
Another early start as we all board the Landrovers and head off in different directions on the reserve for a game drive. After the drive its back to the ground for breakfast and we eventually depart from the reserve at 09h30. During a refuel stop in the town of Jansenville, we are entertained by this report over the coaches PA system by an unnamed member of the tour party in connection with an incident that night before, where one of the team sustained a nasty gash to the head.

BBC news 24, CNN and Reuters are currently receiving leaked reports of an alleged incident which occurred in the early hours 12/11/2004 at an undisclosed cricket ground slap bang in the middle of nowhere. Early indications are that a Metropolitan Police officer sustained severe but not life threatening head injuries. His condition is described as stable, although that is subject to conjecture!
The Metropolitan Police Service are treating this incident very seriously and have appointed a senior criminal investigating officer from the Cleveland Constabulary to head the enquiry. Whilst it is too early to speculate, early indications suggest a joint enterprise by two yet unidentified Nottinghamshire Constabulary officers. One eye witness told me “I saw a white fair haired male with a comp disposition thrust his arms out at the victim saying: You soft London twat whilst his accomplice (a now dark skinned male) knelt down behind him causing the victim to fall.” Moments later the two suspects were seen to administer minimal first aid before decamping with two “willy winkie candles” and asking locals for the keys to any available land rover or Ute.
Acting DCI Shaw (who couldn’t detect gas) leading the force has made it clear that all avenues of enquiry are being pursued and no stone will be left unturned. He did add that he has not ruled out the possibility that the southern twat was pissed before rolling over and going back to sleep.
We will endeavour to keep you updated as the situation develops.
This is Dale Wintern SAS Tours slap bang in the middle of nowhere. Now back to you in the studio.

We arrive back in PE in time for lunch. After lunch some of the party pop off to a shopping centre while others head for the beach. Supper is at the Bella Napoli restaurant in town. The food is delicious and one of the tables decides to go big on shooters and tequilas. Toby Joes beckons and a long night is had by some, while others of us head for our beds.

Sunday, 14 November 2004
Another glorious day awaits us. The sun is shining once more and there is just the gentlest of breezes. Smudger, Willo, Lampo and Dick are off for an early round of golf at Humewood. Some of the party visit the Greenacres shopping centre for last minute gifts and mementos while the rest of us take to the beach. The sea is awesome, nice and warm with a decent wave. Once in you just don’t feel like getting out.

The hardcore sun worshipers led by Beefy, Picko and Mitch make for the Macarthur baths, with not a drop of sun block between them, in a last ditch attempt to go from brown to dark brown. Jason and myself Tee off at Humewood Golf Club in the afternoon and enjoy 18 holes of golf on the challenging links course. We end up jumping up and down like kids when we both birdie the par 5 14th. Needless to say he kicks my but with his ringer 20 handicap.

Supper is at Farriagers Restaurant in the new Kelway Hotel. It is the most glorious setting as we sit on the deck and enjoy the lights of Port Elizabeth below us. The food is fantastic and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to anyone. Surprisingly it is a quiet night for most of the party. This I think is largely due to the fact that the boys went big the night before and also because the sun worshipers are feeling the effects of a bit of sunstroke. An early night is had by most.

Monday, 15 November 2004
Departure day has arrived and I sense mixed feelings amongst the group. There is a sadness that a wonderful trip has come to an end but also a desire to get back home to loved ones. Again another wonderful morning weather wise. Only Leslie takes advantage of this and enjoys a pre breakfast dip in the warm Indian Ocean. Some of the party pop off for last minute shopping while the rest of the group packs for the flight home. By 11H00 we are all on the coach and off to the PE airport for the flight to Cape Town.

It is with much sadness that I bid farewell to the group that I have come to know so well over the last two weeks. Really a great bunch of people with a zest for life and an exceptional sense of humour. In my opinion these folk are a great advert for the British Police Force. I do hope that our paths cross in the not too distant future.

As for me its back home to my family and making my own bed and breakfast in the mornings. - Dale Wrede

Some comments from the team about the tour...

And that's a rap for this Tour.

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